A Father to the Fatherless

Last night I had a dream about my dad, we were traveling around the area where there were different hotels and I was pointing out where we wanted to have the wedding next year, it was all a blur.  But what I remembered most in that dream was hugging him and telling him how much I missed talking to him.

My dad and I don't get along often. But there are times (such as now) I wanted to call him and seek for his advice.  And as my life is about to change, I know the vision my my father walking me down the aisle is impossible.  He wouldn't be there during my engagement, he wouldn't be there to give me away.  I never thought that I would miss him this much.  Despite our differences and constant arguments, I know I am loved.

And now that my dad's gone, I always have to remember to look up.  It's funny that I never thought of myself as an orphan until now.  What comforts me is that there are people who treated me like their own daughter and also knowing I have a Heavenly Father who loves me.

For some that they have failed relationships with their fathers.  Either their father didn't acknowledged them as his children, or perhaps their father left them.  Some lived in a life abused by their father.  The constant beating and discipline.  I resented my father back then.  Every time I flunked a subject I know I will get spanking.  To the point I hated my dad's belt whenever he will tell me to get his 'sintoron' so he will give me my punishment.  I hated that they couldn't understand that I am not good with academics.  I hated it when we couldn't get along because I have different ideas in life, not the way they wanted me to be.  I looked elsewhere for affection.  Maybe having boyfriends will replace the love I thought I never had with my father.  Maybe leaving the country would fulfill me so that my father could be proud of me.  Maybe someday he could see me as an independent young woman who can stand up on her own and not need anything from him.  But it wasn't until I was old enough to understand.  I understood that getting a job and earning for yourself was hard.  What more when my dad provided for all four of us kids and living in a big house with air-conditioned room.  He sent us all to private schools where as if I were to think of how much it cost to pay for my own tuition, I couldn't afford it.  I understood that my father has his own struggles, he struggled with the stress of his work, his health, he struggled also with his temper and uncontrollable anger.  I understood that my father is human, flawed, imperfect, and he was not suppose to be perfect like what you will see in movies.  Because reality is, all of us aren't.

Our fathers on earth may not have been perfect, but we have a Father in heaven who gives us perfect love.  Our earthly fathers may have failed in so many ways, but there is a Father who never will fail.  We may have a father on earth or maybe we don't.  But we have a Father.  He is the Almighty God, Creator of all.  He is the holy, perfect, merciful God.  He died on the cross and paid the price of our sins and has adopted us as his sons and daughters.  He gave us the gift of salvation, something that we don't deserve. And through Him, He has made us perfect. How can that be less amazing?  He should get the "Greatest Dad" award for all ages.

There will be days I would still break down and cry.  Days I would remember Papa and would wish I can still talk to him.  Like Father's day... I know that I won't celebrate it with him.  But I know his struggles are over.  he may have not been the perfect dad, but he loved us the best that he could.  I should still celebrate today because of my Almighty Father in heaven.